China, I think you're being a little extreme...

Hey guys!
In my copious readings, I recently discovered that China has an official "National Humiliation Day." Essentially, it's a day to remind the Chinese people of all the wars they have lost (especially the wars with the Japanese. I guess those ones burn the most).

Now I don't know about you guys, but I feel like a day made especially for remembering past humiliations is sort of bitter sweet in the way of national holidays. I think I'd much prefer regular old Independence and Valentines days. Plus, National Humilation Day just sounds way harsh (and what do they even do to celebrate? Pies in the face? Dropping trays in the lunchroom in front of the popular kids? Wetting themselves?)

I guess what I'm trying to say is: give yourselves a break, China. Things already suck so much in your country as it is that there's no need to keep bringing up the humiliations of your past. Let it go, China. Let it go.

Yours Always,
Toria

Just to clarify:

This is exactly the kind of thing I'm in the market for, so if you know where to find one, do tell!



-Toria

Help needed!

Hey guys,
I recently found out that in my year-long absence from Wellesley a girl was attacked by a rabid raccoon. Knowing this, I am now suspicious of most if not all of the animals I see. In addition, I have been contemplating the most effective ways to protect myself from said animals should a rabid one of their numbers choose to attack me. Now since hand guns are hard to come by in these parts and Wellesley locks the archery equipment in the sports center at night, I have decided that the best way to combat this heinous problem is by investing in a rickshaw/rickshaw driver.

However, I have checked both Craigslist and the local yellow pages and have come up empty handed. Does anyone of our loyal readers (a.k.a: my mom) know of a rickshaw service in the Boston area? Please, if you do come forward- my life depends on it.

Sincerely Yours,
Toria

Toria thinks...

That it's nice how Gatorade makes flavors like "Purple Rain," and "Glacier Freeze." Otherwise I'd probably never get to know what those things tasted like.

-Toria

Astronomy is a deceitful, lying bastard

Okay folks,
So I recently signed up for an astronomy class for the sole purpose of fulfilling a distribution requirement. How hard could it be I thought? (cue: visions of myself frantically scribbling insightful observations as I gaze upward towards the heavens. Me, in class, hand shooting into the air to answer a medley of questions that even the professor has not mastered. "Jupiter!" I yell. "Alpha Centauri!" "Solar System!")

Well, needless to say, I was both shocked and horrified to discover that astronomy is mostly math and science. WTF astronomy? Why you gotta play me like that? I mean really, any one who knows me knows that I abhor all math-related fields and avoid them at all cost, as unlike my beloved English and History (which are fair and true), math actually requires thinking. Well nay I say! Nay to you astronomy! I'm honestly considering going back in time and forcing my parents to abort me, as that sounds more enjoyable than a semester of this bullshit.

So basically, if you can't find me within the next few days, you'll know where I am (aborted). And you can hold astronomy personally responsible.

Yours Always,
Toria

Words, why you gotta be like that?

Message and massage are entirely too similar as words. As are desert and dessert. And that could really F you up. For instance:

"Please leave a message after the tone."

What!? A massage!? How!? I can't touch you over the phone! This shit is crazy!

Or:

"Would you like some dessert?"

What!? Would I like some desert? Here in this restauarant!? After I've just eaten? How is that even possible? And no I would not! This shit is bananas!

So you see folks, this is exactly what I was talking about (see: "could really F you up" above). As to what can be done about this dastardly problem, I know not. But hopefully we find a solution before things start to get out of control (and who knows why they haven't aready).

Pensive as Always,
Toria

Hey guys!

Well I'm back at school, which means I actually have time to write on the CF blog again! (what's that you say? Shouldn't I have less time to write, what with classes, papers, exams, responsibilities, etc.? NO SILLIES! IT MEANS I HAVE MORE TIME!) But this is besides the point.

The point is that I'm just checkin' in, sayin' hi, catchin' up. What's hangin'? Who did you meet? What do you know?

Uh hu. Uh hu. Okay. Interesting. Really? Seriously? Uh hu. No kidding? No, not yet, but I'm definitely planning on it. Uh hu. Yeah? Well I never did like her, so I'm glad she's dead. Uh hu. Okay. Awesome!

Okay, well it was great catching up! That's do it again sometime soon!

Your Immortal Beloved,
Toria