Toria's Treasures

My new treasure is Toria's Treasures! Everything about them! Thinking of them, writing them, and especially posting them. It's weird, but I was getting sort of tired of them and thinking I was going to stop soon, but not any more! I can't explain it, but suddenly they're all I want to write!

Yours Truly,
Toria

ps- and I'll have you know Gigi that I used to like Ellen Page-nay-I used to LOVE her. But that was before I saw her be a total dick to Michael Cerra (a.k.a, my beloved) in an interview, and before I found out she would be getting to host SNL this week. Can I ask you, Gigi, can I ask you, knowing what you know now, can you honestly tell me that you wouldn't kill her yourself if you had the chance? What about Hitler, Gigi? Are you honestly telling me that if you had a time machine and a gun, you wouldn't go back in time and kill Hitler? Or Liberachi? What about Liberachi, Gigi? Yeah, I thought so. So don't you dare sit in judgement of me. Don't you dare.

Gigi's Treasure

Today's Treasure Is-

No more Toria's stupid fucking Treasures!!
They are heinous and I hate them.

And also, Toria just doesn't want to admit that she is a little like Ellen Page, and by that I mean she is Ellen Page crossed with a retarded hobo clown.

You're welcome!
forever, Gigi!

Toria's Treasure...

Today's treasure is given to you in the form of an abstract picture montage. See if you can figure it out!







Okay, I'm just gonna hand it to you. Today's treasure is killing Ellen Page (and I realize it's not so much a treasure as it is an experience I would treasure doing, but I treasure it nonetheless).

Yours Truly,
Toria

A letter to the Hershey Company:

Dear Hershey Company,
The other day I was in the grocery store and noticed that Reese's now has a brand of peanut butter. Naturally, I eagerly put said peanut butter in my cart and rushed it home, certain that anything with the Reese's trademark was sure to be an exquisite taste sensation. Well let me tell you something Hershey, you make TERRIBLE peanut butter. Fucking AWFUL peanut butter. The most unimpressive, average, forgettable peanut butter I have ever tasted.

So stick to chocolate you whorey sons of bitches. Because that's two dollars and eighty-nine cents I can never get back.

Sincerely Yours, you two faced, "we're gonna market something terrible with the label of something recognizable and delicious," weaseley bastards,
Toria Sheffield

Toria thinks...

That Rococo art sounds delicious.

That is all.

-Toria

My Favorite Darcy

Recently been thinking of all the different actors I've seen portray Jane Austen's Mr. Darcy, and while I think each artist has brought something special to the role, I'd personally have to rank them as follows:

1.) Colin Firth (1995)
2.) Laurence Olivier (1940)
3.) Wishbone (2001, episode 25, "Furst Impressions")
4.) Matthew Macfayden (2005)

Thoughts?
-Toria

Wicked Witch, you are totally creepers

Hey all,
So I was watching The Wizard of Oz today, and having not seen it in a number of years, was especially struck by the part when the Wicked Witch of the West calls Dorothy "my fine lady" (I had only remembered her referring to Dorothy as "my pretty"). I wonder if the line was altered from the original script. Maybe initially it was more like, "Mmmm mmmm. Lookin' good my fine lady. Lookin' even better from behind. Gotta be tight."

Pensive As Always,
Toria

Hmmm...

Took the Chinatown bus from Boston to New York today and couldn't help noticing the following sign near the stairs at the front of the vehicle:



I can't help but wonder: a helpful safety message or an ominous threat from the people of Chinatown?

Always Alert,
Toria

Toria's Treasures: President Elect Theodore Roosevelt

Hey everyone,
From my U.S Foreign Diplomacy book:

"Roosevelt advoctaed 'Progressivism,' a mixture of nationalism, moralism, racism, social Darwinism, and social planning. "Did I tell you," he wrote to his friend Henry Cabbot Lodge after fighting in the War of 1898, 'that I killed a Spaniard with my own hands?'"

"He sought to maintain good personal relationships with all the European diplomats in Washington. He referred to British ambassador, Cecil Spring-Rice, as 'Springy' and the ambassador from Germany, Speck von Sternberg, as 'Specky.' The French ambassador, Jules Jusserand, had a forbidding presence that rebuffed nicknames, but Roosevelt included him in his rambles through Rock Creek Park all the same."

Furthermore, after his presidency ended in 1908, he proptly went on African Safari, where he shot 269 mammals. Eight of them elephants!

T.R, I don't know why, but I value you. I value you as a man and as a crazy. Maybe it was your take-no-prisoners nicknames, your all-inclusive "rambles" through Rock Creek Park, or many if not all of your morally reprehensible personal beliefs, but believe me when I tell you, you have found a fan in me.

Yours Always,
T.S

Toria's Treasures

Today's treasure is treasure. A logical if arguably uninspired choice.


-Toria

Toria's Treaures

Hey everyone!
This is a new installment that I like to call "Toria's Treasures," in which I'll share with you things that I hold dear. I think you'll all agree when I say that this first treasure can't really be called mine, but America's...



Eternally Yours,
Toria

Good news! Still alive!

The title says it all! Turns out it'll take a little more than toxins and non-digestible chemicals to kill old Toria J. Let that be a lesson to you, L'oreal!

Yours Always,
Toria

May have accidentally poisoned myself...

Too long to explain how right now, but suffice it to say I may be dead by morning (I will say it involves using a fork that was also used to mix a bottle of hair dye. I wouldn't have used it at all except I really needed a fork. What was I supposed to do, eat that omelet crepe with my hands!? I don't think so! And for those of you who don't know, an omelet crepe is exactly what it sounds like. Why bother putting an omelet in a crepe, you ask? Because it's delicious, that's why).

To Monica and Claudia I leave memories of laughter, to Brooks and Kath I leave visions of my beauty, and to Gigi I leave the fiscal responsibility of taking care of my mother in her old age.

Hopefully not my last post!
-Toria

What I would probably say after said night in Bates Motel:

Okay, there's literally no possible way I could have known that this would happen. So don't be all holding it over my head and bringing up that it was my idea to stop like six years from now. Also, someone should probably call Claudia's parents.

-Toria

What I would say if me and some friends pulled into the Bates Motel after a long day of driving:

Well this seems totally fine.




-Toria